As many of you are probably aware, dating sucks, especially online dating. Online dating is shallow, potentially dangerous, boring, and most of all stupid.
The type of people you typically see on online dating are always just kinda lame.
The first type - Frat Stars: For both frats and sororities, you will see basically the same things.
- Aviator sunglasses
- Flags for their fraternity/sorority
- Pictures of parties
- Duckie face/Flexing picks
The problem with the frat stars: If you're not in Greek Life they sort of overheat out of confusion, "How did you go to college then?" Will likely come up as a question.
On the Bright Side: This is not to say that people in Greek Life are stupid, however while one is in a house their greater intelligence tends to be overruled by the hive mind of their house. Many of my friends were a part of Greek Life and once you get them outside of their circle they can actually be very intelligent and interesting people, sometimes.
The second type- Gym Rat:
- First picture is always some variation of a flexing picture
- Be ready to talk A LOT about fitness and healthy eating
- Lots of energy - And they will tell you always accompanied with a ;)
The problem with gym rats: For the gym rat fitness comes before everything, that includes spending time with you. They will judge you for your eating habits, or whine about not being able to eat what you're eating. They are self conscious always monitoring the growth or toning of their body.
On The Bright Side: Go to the gym with a gym rat and you will not regret it. Working out regularly is the best way to reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and increase energy. Health is fun!
The third type- The Partier:
- All of their pictures take place within a bar or a party
- Their eyes will not be fully open in any of the pictures
- "What do you mean you've never tried molly?"
- On their profile the words: "Live fast, die young!"
The problem with the partier: "Hobbies? You mean like what bars do I like?" Every story they tell will include being intoxicated. They talk about legalizing marijuana but continuously forget to vote.
On The Bright Side: For short bursts the partier can be lots of fun., you will meet lots of interesting people, and probably create some interesting memories of your own.
The fourth type - The Normal
- Really boring pictures
- A bio that reads "I like hanging out with friends and watching Netflix." And not much else.
- Extremely boring conversation
- They are completely convinced that they're just "not like other guys/girls"
The problem with the normal: THEY'RE BORING AS FUCK! The Normal is never specifically passionate about anything, inadvertently leading them to have nothing vital to say. Unfortunately the world of online dating is about 70% Normals.
On the Bright Side: Well I guess no big surprises?
The Fifth type - The Nerd
- Neil DeGrasse Tyson is their hero
- They spend more time talking about their interests in their bios than focusing on taking attractive pictures
- They are passionate about something whether it be comics, sci-fi, books, writing, movies, science, politics
- Will always be awkward at first
The problem with The Nerd: Nerds can be upset when someone isn't passionate about the same things as them. If you don't like intellectual conversations about the implications of Superman killing General Zod, they might not be for you.
On the Bright Side: Nerds are awesome! Once you get them talking about something their passionate about you will get some great conversation and have a lot of fun being able to let go of your desperate search for being cool and let your nerd flag fly!
What I'm trying to say here in this post that became a lot longer than I originally planned, is date nerds! Blondes might have more fun, but nerds will discuss their favorite books and their favorite Doctors and be interesting, and funny, and uninhibited by societal pressures to be cool! Because being cool is stupid.
Finding the rare nerd on any online dating site will make this whole traumatic ordeal finally worth it.
Let us all strive to date interesting people, and try ourselves to give up this useless quest for being cool and become awesome instead!